Granny Wolf

02:30 am: The Truth About my Cock
I have noticed that there seem to be a few misconceptions about my cock floating around the internet, and I’d like to take this opportunity to clear up any confusion. It’s very important to me that the general public has a full and accurate picture of my cock, so that they understand its place in our culture and civilization. My cock doesn’t know that I’m doing this. If it did, it would probably try to stop me. “It makes no difference what they think about me,” it would say, with that twinkle in its eye, “all that matters is what I think about them.” This is true, but I think its only fair to give people a chance to educate themselves and each other. Please help me spread the word about my cock, so that when the time comes, people don’t have to be surprised and afraid.

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Tags: humor, joking

10:40 pm: Internet Arguments! They can be about anything!
Check out the exchange of ideas here. I know we've probably all had stupid internet arguments like this, but the one in question strikes me as a textbook case, as such, bears consideration. Watch how, as each subsequent reply is posted, the actual content of the discussion diminishes and diminishes, until it ceases to exist altogether.

Step One: Miss the point.

Step Two: Emotional appeal for clemency. It's just my opinion, not an attack! I'm not trying to attack you! This step should omit any reference to material presented in the post itself, or the reply to step one.

Step Three: Intellectual appeal for relativism and tolerance. There is no such thing as right and wrong, there is no such thing as correct or incorrect. It doesn't matter what you say, it doesn't matter what I say. It's all just an opinion, so what I say doesn't really have to have anything to do with your post, your replies to my replies, or any ideas at all. Stop attacking me!

Step Four: Sarcastic smiley. Usually ;) or :P, but in this case we have a variant I am personally unfamiliar with. There may be some attempt and glibness, or an irrelevant quote as well.

Step Five: Fear, hostility, willful ignorance. Usually manifested in outrage at the persecution being visited on the "victim."

Step Six: Crickets.


I expect this kind of stupidity when I bash the Matrix, Nirvana, Atheism, Liberalism, Secularism, and so on... but Max fucking Hardcore? Of all things, I have to argue about this? Internet, you blow my mind. Like seriously, if any of you out there actually jerk off to that crap, do the gene pool a favor and drink a bottle of drano. Or come to me for an exorcism. There is no third option.

Tags: humor, politics

06:42 pm: Drinking Games
In University, drinking was frequently combined with reading. As I've been trying to purge myself of paperwork (didn't I throw out all this shit the last two times I moved? I guess not. I still have undergrad papers, notes from girlfriends, and whole notebooks on Aesthetics, Political Religion, and Existentialism which have SOMEHOW managed to stay with me this long) I recently discovered these. From my pre-Crowley, devil-may-care Goetia days, back when verifying a spirit's authenticity meant telling it to start fires and preparing for a ritual meant doing bong hits and snorting PCP, these may not be sophisticated, (or, possibly, all that funny) but hell, they're good for a whirl.

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Tags: humor, joking

01:02 pm: Scorpions: A critique
I am cooler than Scorpions

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Tags: humor, joking

02:27 pm: SAD? DEPRESSED? Tired of being a Failure as a Human Being?
You’ve tried therapy. You’ve tried religion. You’ve tried drugs. And nothing works. There is no chemical, idol, or sponsor that can motivate you to change, and nothing short of picking you up and hanging you by your ankles can turn that frown upside down. You could just give up on life, or…

You could try Lying To Yourself.

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Tags: humor, joking

12:15 pm: Mythbusters: Kitties
The image of the cat is a product of false advertising.  They have no hidden depths.  They harbour no secret motives.  They do not scheme.  If in the eyes there can be found a soulful expression, it is because they, like Indian fakirs or Chinese monks, are truly and totally in the “now.”  However, instead of containing elephants, tortoises, and chinese, the “now” of the cat consists only of the animal’s most basic self-awareness.  “I am a cat,” it thinks.  This thought provides sublime satisfaction to these dumb beasts, though for what reason, no one can guess.  As an experiment, I once spent an entire day saying to myself over and over “I am a cat,” and it afforded me no particular gratification, other than to attract unwanted attention in the line at the supermarket.  I certainly didn’t feel the urge to squint and preen, which seems to be the general result of this activity among felines.  

Cats are fine, in an ornamentally affectionate sense, but to attribute to them the qualities of suavity or sophistication is extravagant.  Alarm, a snack, or a chilly breeze will jostle their self-awareness enough to cause them to re-situate themselves more comfortably, but there is no dike mighty enough to hold back the angry sea, although in this case, the angry sea is merely a colourful metaphor to describe the effect of the knowledge “I am a cat” upon the feline consciousness.  The mere fact of their being engenders a monumental repose, which reduces the cat to a negligible force as far as questions of being guileful spiders spinning webs of deceit are concerned.   
 
So let us clear up this matter of whether or not we can breathe easily with our backs to the cat.  We can, unless we have some particular allergy, breathe as easily as lung capacity and available oxygen will allow.  Cats are not nature’s last word on the conniving and dire.  They are pleasant, they have character, and they pursue mice and butterflies with vigour and ardour, but all speculation as to labyrinthine schemes of apocalyptic consequence must be put to rest.

Tags: humor, joking

09:00 pm: The Rules of Debate
It is, after all, my mission to educate and enlighten.  That’s why I write these things.  As I have learned to evolve and better myself in life, I’ve accomplished many things.  In some cases, those accomplishments have involved telling other people to go fuck themselves.  In fact, some of my most cherished memories involve this experience.  When I’m bored, I sit around and think of creative ways to tell people to fuck off.  Some people disapprove of this kind of open rejoicing at the intellectual failure and moral cowardice of lesser men.  They think me indulgent.  This puritan strain among the occult community is both toxic and annoying, because it distorts meaning.  It encourages false faces, white lies, and fear of confrontation.  It causes us to hide our true feelings.  I cannot allow this.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Crowley’s system, it is that I am at my best when I am being myself.  Unfortunately for the rest of the world, I’m kind of a prick.

So break out the stone tablets!  Here are the rules.  You may want to have these tattooed on your body somewhere clearly visible.  Or at least write them on something that you look at frequently while you’re on the internet.  I’m not going to make the obvious joke, but you know what I mean, you compulsive masturbators, you.  Don’t worry, there are only four.  They’ll fit.



Tags: ethics, humor, joking

02:41 pm: From the pen of a Great Man
Night Slasher:  *searching for Cobra* Let’s play, pig!  Where are you, pig?  I want your eyes, pig! *pause* I want them.  Do you want to go to hell?  Huh?  Huh, pig?  You wanna go to hell with me?  It doesn’t matter, does it?  We are the hunters.  We kill the weak so the strong survive.  You can’t stop the new world!  Your filthy society will never get rid of people like us!  It’s breeding them!  We are the future!

Cobra:  No! *sharp, in protest*  *pause* You’re history.  *Cobra raises his weapon*

Night Slasher:  You won’t do it, pig.  You won’t shoot.  Murder is against the law. * sneer * You have to take me in.  If… *grip tightens on knife* you can.  Even I have rights, don’t I, pig?  Take me in.  They’ll say I’m insane, won’t they?  The court is civilized, isn’t it… pig?

Cobra:  But I’m not.  This is where the law stops, and I start… sukkka! 





Tags: humor, joking

07:08 pm: Axiomatic
Beneath the cut is a series of short pieces.  Easy to digest!  Goes down smooth!

I dare not call it Star Chamber lite... but you might.  Not right where I see, but behind my back somewhere.



Tags: humor, media, ngbmii, the invisible war

02:59 pm: I'd be a nice terrorist/ Swinger's Heaven
I’d be a really nice terrorist.  I know that I’m a dick, but if I had more guns I’m sure I’d be a lot more nice.  I mean, why be a dick when you have hollow point shells and a fancy Bulgarian AK?  At that point, everything everyone says is pretty much bullshit, unless its “don’t shoot!” or “put it in my mouth!”  I have no plans to become a terrorist... but if I did, these would be what they were...



Tags: humor, joking

03:50 pm: Axiomatic
Beneath the cut is a series of short pieces.  Easy to digest!  Goes down smooth! 

I dare not call it Star Chamber lite... but you might.  Not right where I see, but behind my back somewhere. 



Tags: humor, media